Sammy at Now I Can

Now I Can sent this video a while ago and I keep forgetting to post it.  It's funny to watch this video after being home for a few months.  It brings me back to those long days...and I just feel so grateful.  Grateful for the therapists and staff who work there.  Grateful for a beautiful daughter who teaches me compassion, patience, and charity.  Grateful for friends, family, and strangers who help us get there.  My heart is full.

Watch the video HERE

Walking

After our last session at Now I Can, I was happy with what was done, but I also felt like Sammy hadn't made as much progress as she had in the past.  Sergio and Nacole were happy with what Sammy was doing, so why wasn't I?  Sergio told me that I'd see a difference when she got home.

Well, I have seen a difference, and I was able to capture some of it on video.

One of Sammy's big problems is that she moves super fast -- she has no control.  And because of that, she hunches over.  She is definitely standing up straighter and taking smaller, slower steps.  This is actually huge progress and we're really happy.  Yes, we need to work on her upper body and being down on her heals, but I'm still pretty thrilled.  Way to go Sammers!

Little Angel

A family friend, Britney Black, created this video for a school project.  It was nominated to go to the film festival among the middle schools...way to go Britney!  For more details for Sweatin' for Sammy...scroll down.

One Year

Yesterday, I met a new friend.  I took Samantha and Callie to Rock Canyon Park to play and relax before I went out with some friends.  Grandma and Grandpa would be putting them to bed, and I was trying to assure that they would, indeed, be tired and go to bed -- the kids that is.  While at the park, I met Argie.  She's a dear older woman with a heart of pure gold.  She then introduced me to her daughter-in-law.  I was briefly told the story of Julie's son, Brigham, and felt that there was a reason we met that day.  I felt uplifted by her tenderness, sincerity, and the immediate connection with her ~ all of this needed after a rather tough emotional week for me. 

We exchanged contact information and this morning I spent some time reading about dear Brigham Reneer online.  I read an article in the Deseret News.  I read from Argie's blog.  I read as much as I could because I was just falling in love with this boy's smile, courage, and Christ-like example.  Truly. 

Death, itself, is not what hurts my heart.  I do not cry for those who pass on, but for those who remain and wait for their reunion.  It's the days, weeks, and months that follow that I often think about.  I think about the small moments when a parent passes their child's empty room.  Or when that darn lost sock shows up in the laundry basket and sparks uncontrolled tears.   

At the one year mark of Brigham's death, family friend's created a video.  I watched it and was so touched at how they explained the first year without their son.  It is beautiful and real.  Painful and filled with hope and love.  Charity.  Pure love.

It has been over 2 years since Brigham passed away and Julie still teared up as she told me how hard it is to take care of our special needs kids, but when they're gone, we miss it...every little tough thing about it, we want it back.  The Savior can heal our hearts.  I have no doubt about that.  But I also believe when you love so deeply like that, tears will still flow...even for an earthly lifetime.  

The Grinch Who Stole Christmas

Samantha and Callie's acting has yet again astounded us all.  We hope all your Christmases were merry this year.

Smile

Samantha,

Before the school bus comes is a happy time in our house. Not that we're happy that you are leaving for a few hours, but you always seem really happy. Maybe you are anticipating school. I think you really like it there. You like your teacher, Kathy, and the aides, Claudia and Sharon. And they sure love you. A lot.

Most of the time, we wait outside for the bus. We sometimes wait for the school bus inside. When we're inside, you like opening and closing the front door, playing with the shoes (and when I say "playing" I really mean throwing), and playing the piano. You're one talented girl, you know that?

Here are some pictures from a little bit ago. You sure looked cute that day. The video isn't the best, but it makes me smile whenever I see it anyway.

I love you!
Mommy

I Know

Samantha,

There are some days when I am so sad that you can't just tell me what you want, need, or think. It's not so much because there's this inner-aching within me to hear your voice...though that is there definitely, but because I simply want to know. I want to know what you're thinking. I want to hear everything you have to say. And yes, I'd love to hear your tiny voice tell me the things all moms want to hear...that you love me. I melt every time Callie tells me, so I'm pretty sure you, Sammy, saying it would have equal effect. Today you spontaneously kissed me for the first time in a VERY long time -- though you freely give kisses to Colin! -- and it made my day by the way.

My friend sent me the Meaghan Smith cd. There's no secret, I'm totally loving this girl. I love her style, her awesome voice, and you and Callie love dancing to "Heartbroken"...but when I got to the song "I Know" I immediately thought of you and all of my favorite scenes from your life passed through my mind. I know this is a love song, but I'm so in love with you -- my tiny little girl. And whether you can vocalize it or not, I'm pretty sure that I know you love me too. And I'm pretty sure, one day you'll tell me in words. And I'm also pretty sure that every time I hear this song, for the rest of my life, I'll be thinking of you.

I love you!
Mommy

It's in our hello
In the way your smile glows
And it's in our good bye
In the tear in your eye
And all in between
When you're lookin at me

I know, I know, I know
What you don't say

It shimmers through
In the things you do
When you write me a note
And send it by the post
What you might not sign
On that bottom line

I know, I know, I know
What you don't say

Words are not needed
And though my ears
Could be misled
My heart can hear instead
What goes unsaid

You'll leave me with this
A hug and a kiss
And that little phrase
Those three words
You can't say
But please don't feel blue
Cause I always knew

And I know, I know, I know
And I love you too

Missing This

Missing the Michigan beach...even if we weren't swimming, it was always a fun day at the beach.


And here's one big PLOP! Sounds louder than it was...at least there's a smile, right?