Alice

Little Sammer,

Today is your last day of school! I can't believe it! And something occurred to me today, for the first time. Yesterday Alice told me that she may not be driving you next year. She got all teary-eyed talking about how hard it is for her each year -- when she loses her kids to other bus drivers. What?! I told her she can't go. You like her too much. I like her too much.

And today, as you left on the bus, it occurred to me that I may have to change bus drivers every year! Really, I know this is harder for me than it is for you...but that just breaks my heart. I love Alice -- so does Callie (even though she looks less than thrilled in this picture). Alice was your first bus driver. She's always smiling and laughing and she has the kindest most gentle tone in her voice. I love that woman. The first day she drove you away, I cried...but Alice makes it all better. She reassured me that you were happy and even have a boyfriend now -- little Harrison. (I saw him with his arm around you the other day...don't try to play it off like it's nothing.)

Oh Sammy, we'll have to adjust year after year, but we'll be ok. At least Alice started us off real well.

I love you baby. Have a great day on your LAST day of school!

Love,
Mommy

Smiling

It's hard to get a good picture of you. Most of the time you're moving around so fast, it's near impossible to snap a good shot. And then, there are the times when you see me so you just come toward me, and attack the camera. Like this picture. And I swear one day you'll chew those fingers right off! But until then, keep smiling little girl. I love you.

What She Loves

Capri Sun.
That's what this little girl loves...it just makes her happy. And I'm incredibly impressed every time she sucks out of that straw. I'm not sure how she figured out how to do it, but she did. I guess if the motivation is great enough, you can do anything, eh?

"mmmmm. Thanks Mom."

Sandwich, Massachusettes

My mind is spinning with thoughts and I don't feel tired (though I really should be at this time of night). I'm thinking about Samantha a lot tonight...I'm thinking about Callie a lot tonight...and I'm thinking about our #3 child who we will one day, some day, adopt in the near (?) future -- a lot. To numb my mind a little bit, I looked at my site meter and find that someone looked at this blog from Sandwich, MA! Sandwich. Now if that isn't the coolest city, I don't know what is. So, Mr. or Ms. Sandwich, MA, friend -- can I call you friend? -- if you ever come back, know that you have helped me go to sleep tonight, because after stumbling across that, I feel surprisingly satisfied.

Thank you.

Flowers in Her Hair

Look at that crazy whispy hair! During breakfast, Callie brought you a flower, just because she loves you.

I Miss You Already

Sweet Sweet Samantha,

My heart is aching right now, just really really aching. There's a little friend of yours, who we never met, but also had a diagnosis of microcephaly. His name was Ben. Do you remember me telling you about him? Well, he just died a couple days ago and I just found out. We don't know the details, but I think it was pretty fast and unexpected.

Sammy, do you know what I want to do right now? I want to run into your room, risk waking you up, just so I can hold you all night long. I can't imagine my life without you, and it kills me knowing that some day I may have to face this same scenario. Ben was only 8 years old. You will be 4 in a few weeks. Little girl, you're getting old! But still, you haven't been with me long enough. Four more years won't be enough. Ten more years won't be enough. I love you so much, you know that? Please, stay with me for as long as you can, ok? Because just thinking of you gone makes me miss you already.

So, as I sit here crying, hurting for this family and then, of course, thinking of you...I am so grateful to know that not only do you have a great daddy here, but we have a Father in Heaven too...and He loves us...and I don't say this lightly when I tell you that everything will be ok, no matter what. Oh, I'll have to remind myself of this a lot, but it's the truth.

I love you sweet girl. I won't wake you up...just peek in your room.
Sweet Dreams.
Mommy