Saturday, April 30, 2011

Put Your Head on My Shoulder

Dear Samantha,

You make me melt.  You do the smallest, simplest thing, and I'm in tears because I feel my heart overflow with joy. 

You have a cold.  And colds are hard because you can't blow your nose.  You can't clear things out yourself.  You just kind of suffer through it, all stuffed up.  I mean, you've suffered through worse, but I think we all agree that colds are annoying.  Today Jacqueline came from the newspaper and took some pictures of you for the upcoming article.  You weren't particularly happy, but you weren't sad.  Oh how I wanted you to shine so everyone who saw you in the paper would feel your spirit through those eyes of yours.  But, you're a little foggy with this cold and...that's ok.  You were perfectly chipper 2 hours after Jacqueline left.  I wished she could have been there then.  The rest of the day you were perfectly pleasant.

Usually you go to bed quite well, but tonight, about 45 minutes after you were in bed, I heard you singing.  Well, you aren't really singing, but that's what we call it.  Grammy calls them whale calls.  I went in, you smiled so big when you saw me.  We went through the routine of the saline nasal drops and Eucerin around the face (you get so chapped when you have colds), and you just smiled at me and locked eyes with mine like I was the most magical, fantastic, perfect being in the world.  And you know what?  I felt like I was.  You made me feel like I was pretty wonderful.

I turned off the lights, and you put your head on my shoulder.  That's when the tears filled my eyes and gently flowed over onto my cheeks.  You have never put your head on my shoulder before, and it simple, but so beautiful.  You normally just curl up into a tight ball against my chest, but this time, it was a perfect way to end my evening.  You fell asleep almost instantly and after a few moments I laid you down.

I'm not sure what it was about you laying your head on my shoulder.  Partly, it was so normal...and not many things about your life are considered "normal."  But, I think it has a lot to do with the love you shared with me only moments before -- that look of adoration -- and then to just lay your head on my shoulder...that absolute trust, maybe.  Again, I'm not sure why that moment was so dear to me, but it was. 

And it's a moment I hope to never forget.

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