I'm sorry that sometimes, in the midst of frustration, I forget who you are. I always remember the obvious -- you are my daughter. But I tend to forget that you are also Heavenly Father's daughter and I allow my frustration in a situation take over. This morning, you woke up so early because of your cold I'm assuming, and when I went to get you, help you go back to sleep, you wouldn't. I was so tired. I went in to care for you and love you, but after an hour, I wasn't feeling as much love as I was feeling a deep desire to sleep. I put you on the couch and left in frustration as you cried. And it's not just that you cried, but you cried as if you were betrayed -- and that breaks my heart. I still feel horrible about it.
I just found this letter I had written Samantha from back in January. The thing is, I could write a similar letter to her today.
I'm sorry that sometimes I get frustrated. Today, while we were doing therapy, you wouldn't cooperate. I'm sure it's because, well, frankly...who wants to work like that? It's uncomfortable and difficult. But when I'm doing the therapy with you, I tend to allow myself to feel frustration that sometimes overtakes me. I opted out for a bit. I sat down in the hallway and let you crawl around and do what you want. Callie was trying to help, but wasn't helping...and I told her if she wasn't going to help she had to leave. That's fine, I suppose, but it was the tone.....
My letter could continue. The thing is, each day I will make bad choices, and each day I will recommit to do better. And, I really believe that as I do that...I'll be making progress. At least I hope so or else my life will seem pretty pathetic. So I keep truckin', and those dear children of mind still love me and forgive me. I'm so blessed.