Thursday, September 9, 2010

Reality Check


You are a light in my life. In so many ways, you make me a better person. You give me perspective and true happiness. You inspire me.

I'm working on a book ~ because of you. Because of what you have taught me. Because of the road you've led me on. A book. This morning I emailed someone who is contributing a part of this book...and I cried. I wept as I wrote about how her story was inspiring...but I wept because of what she went through. She lost her son, at a very very young age. And I kept thinking of you. What would I do without you? I would feel so empty.

And then I read a blog post of a friend of mine. She wrote about her daughter, Leah. Remember Leah? Though you both are so different, she reminds me of you. Her smile that brightens the entire room. Her big, shining eyes. Her long hair always done up. (I try Sammy. I really do. It may not look nice by the end of the day, but I try.) And then there's the lack of control over your bodies. And the lack of verbal communication that must make it so frustrating for you both. Leah is so precious. She's a good friend to have. And her mom was writing about Leah, about how things happen that are out of their control, and how she fears losing her. I've been an emotional mess. The thought of Leah leaving them is killing me. I don't think it's in the near future, but I ache right now for them. Ache.

As I've been working on this book, I've been thinking a lot about faith and hope. These are good things. Great things. They are what keep us going. And that is precisely why I'm doing this book. But, today, the reality of the lives we live hit me. No matter how much faith you have, there is still real pain. Job was a very good man, but he wasn't spared pain and horrible trial. Faith will help us, but we still have to go through it all, and sometimes, I just don't want to. I don't want my friends to. I don't want anyone to go through it. I can struggle through the years with you, but the thought of having you go...I can't really bear that right now. So stick with me kid. Ok? Because I think I need you for a little longer.

Love you to pieces,


  1. ugh. can't go aroun it. can't go under it. can't go over it. MUST GO THROUGH IT. that's part of my story, by the way. still working on it.

    and double ugh for mornings like this morning. sorry to be the cause of tears for you. but thanks for your uplifting comments. things are looking brighter. she's more stable and more THERE. prayers are amazing, aren't they?

    p.s. love the labels of faith, friends and REALITY on your post. i love reality posts. and i hate them. but mostly they're good.

    p.p.s. love that "heavenly day" is playing as i'm typing this. great song.

  2. This post is exactly what is on my mind lately. We have no givens with these little ones, no promises of the future. It is hard sometimes not to focus on that. I cannot imagine waking up in the morning without Emily in my life. I cannot imagine going places as a family of three instead of four. I just ... can't.

  3. We would be THRILLED to meet you and your beautiful girls if you ever come to SoCal!! :)



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